I used to work in university administration, and I once intended to become a faculty member as part of my ongoing plan to avoid doing any real work.

What should university faculties look like?  Here’s my vision.

If I were designing a university, I would have an open pool of faculty. Certain favored professors - the ones bringing in fat research grants and attracting best-and-brightest students - would receive a salary and benefits. Those instructors, as well as the common pool, would then get a cut of the tuition each semester, prorated by credit hours they actually taught. No starving grad students getting crumbs, no senior profs getting six figures for doing nothing - everybody gets paid for work in the form of teaching.

What about research?  Adequate research adding little to the pool of knowledge deserves no reward or subsidy - it should be its own reward, done for the love of it. GREAT research that attracts grants and students will of course bring rewards - the university will pay the aforementioned premium to have those scholars in residence, as well as the normal rewards of fame, fortune, hot undergrads yearning for your body, etc.

(And as a former administrator, no faculty member would get a dime of compensation until all their grades were submitted, checked, and completed - and they would lose 10% of their semester’s check for every day their paperwork was late, and every subsequent change of grade form submitted would incur a $100 charge! Not that I’m bitter.)